I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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