ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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