Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
