College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
