If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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