im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
