I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
