This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
