I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
