My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
