Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
