i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
