did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
