Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
