Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
