God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
