Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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