Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
