You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Alive.
So much puke
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
