there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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