There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
