He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
