Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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