i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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