i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
