and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
