He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
