I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
