that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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