remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
