the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
