I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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