Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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