So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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