dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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