For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
