a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
