Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
