So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hello my rib-scented angel!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
