I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
