I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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