made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
