Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
