Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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