i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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