So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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