I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
