I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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