omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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