I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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