...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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